I can remember just recently hearing Pastor Smokie Norful say during a sermon that “you will only find a mate once you make God your first love.” After hearing that statement, I was hit with the revelation that a Godly relationship or marriage is truly a ministry. I consider it a ministry because in a relationship you have to display some characteristics of Christ if you truly want it to last. As Smokie Norful made that comment I could not help but to think back to August of 2004. It was during that time I found myself ending a very painful relationship. It was a relationship following many that I never seemed to find happiness in. It was obvious then that I was not putting Christ first, but myself. I never realized back then that relationships require commitment. I also realized that it’s a union that should move toward marriage.
I seemed to listen to my friends for advice when it came to dating someone. I thought that whenever there was a problem in my relationship, it was never me that caused it, but the other person. Many years of my life were spent on a “roller coaster” that I willingly put myself on. It wasn’t until God broke me down spiritually that I realized in order to find happiness I had to do it his way. With Valentine’s just around the corner, there will be many singles alone for the holidays. I’m sure there will also be many asking the question, “What should I do when it comes to finding someone worth dating?” The first thing one should do when it comes to dating someone is to know why you’re dating in the first place. It’s important to date with objectives and to know where you and the person you’re dating are going in the relationship.
It’s important that you only date individuals that you could see yourself marrying. As a Christian, you should be seeking to date someone equally yoked. This means dating someone who believes in Christ, that shares some of the same interests as you, and that believes in abstaining from sex until marriage. You can find a lot of scriptures in the Bible that deal with relationships. One book that gives great description of the interaction between a man woman is in the book of Song of Psalms and in 1 Corinthians, chapters 6 and 7. It’s also important to realize that happiness with someone else can only be a reality when you find happiness within yourself. Believing that dating someone will complete you is the wrong approach to finding happiness in a relationship. Singles should also date someone they can grow with. Growing in a relationship is essential if there is going to be happiness among two people. Does the person you are dating encourage you to try new things, do they help you with personal needs, and do they compliment you on a regular basis?
If you are currently dating someone who is draining you emotionally and spiritually, you may need to question, “Am I growing in this relationship?” My last point of advice to singles would be to join a singles ministry at your church to connect with other believers. It’s important to surround yourself with people who can hold you accountable for your courtship behaviors. Here are a list of a few biblical resources that are great for singles and married couples:
* The Five Love Languages for Singles, by Gary Chapman
* Every Woman’s Desire, by Steven Atterburn *
Every Man’s Battle, by Steven Atterburn
* Fireproof (the movie)